Not understanding

Why is it that I can't get him out of my head. I hate this feeling. I catch myself thinking that I somehow wish I was pregnant with his kid. ARGH!!!! I don't know what that would solve, I'm sure that it would just make things worse between us. This is why I hate relationships. I want so bad to have that loving feeling back. I want to be in his arms, I loved everything about that. In fact to be honest I loved everything about him except the fact that he was not very open or honest with me about the money. Why does money have to be a factor? If I were rich then I would have absolutely no cares about money. Like I've said before I really don't care all that much about money, for me it's a necessity of life and if I didn't have to have it I wouldn't. I just wish I had enough to share with everyone and then I'd be perfectly happy. So, I talked to J today. He says he's moving on. He apparently moved from the apartment he was living in before. I don't know exactly what he meant by moving on. I don't know what is going inside my head. Has anyone ever been able to tell the difference between what you head is saying and what your heart is saying??? If you have, please teach me because I have absolutely no idea. I just want to be able to find someone that I can be truly and blissfully happy with. One of the mother's at Cheyenne's dance class brought her husband in to watch their daughter dance the last couple of weeks, they were so cute together. I'm sure they've been married for quite a few years now and they were so playful together and kissing and just acting as if they were newlyweds. That is what I want. To have that unconditional love and happiness. I know that everything can't be perfect and there will be times when there are arguments and I'm perfectly fine with that. I feel like I always totally get the shaft when it comes to relationships? Why can Derrick move in with someone and get married almost immediately after our divorce and seem to be totally happy and yet I take my time and look for someone that I know I can spend the rest of my life with and I can barely get a date. I've been out with what 4 guys since I got divorced and that has only been in the last 6 months. I just don't understand why men can't relate to me romantically. Someone help me out here. Brian asked on his blog today for help in finding his faults. I think that's a great idea because I truly don't understand where I'm going wrong. I know I have faults but pinpointing them is something I've been having quite the time doing. So for all of you out there that know me, drop me a message and let me know.