Thoughts

Why is it that even when someone does something to you that makes you so incredibly mad but you can still have strong feelings for them? I don't really understand it but I just keep thinking "did I do the right thing?" In a situation like this I'm not entirely sure that there is ONE right thing. A part of me still wants to trust him and take back everything but I know that can't happen. I just want to not have lent him all that money and have been able to see where the relationship may have gone without any of that. I am making dinner for Jared tomorrow night and we're going to watch movies at my place. I don't know where this might go, we have agreed to be friends and just see what happens from there. I am extremely attracted to him because he is so down to earth and easy to talk to. He knows about everything that has happened with J. I feel like I've known him for years and I have no trust issues what so ever with him. He is already an amazing friend but I am extremely scared to start anything more with him for fear he will either end up back with Amy or that he will get scared and not want to move forward. We have been out once before. This was about 2 months ago now. It took me about 4 months to get him to go out with me the first time. I had an amazing time, we talked so much. He said he had a good time as well but I couldn't get him to go out again up until I was already seeing J so I couldn't really go out again at that time. Now that J is out of the picture Jared has agreed to go out again which is great, I really want to see more of him and really get to know him better. I'm just really afraid of being hurt again and I know he doesn't want to hurt me and would never do so intentionally. I already know that he is scared of getting involved too for the same reasons. Really though if you think about it you have to get hurt sometimes in order to find real love. So I am going to press on and see what happens, I hope to find so much more about him that I love.