Life
Life is such a complex thing. For instance all of the things I am going through right now. All of this could have been simple but instead thoughts and feelings and human nature get in the way. Sometimes I think these are good things and other times I'm not so sure. Although, when you really think about it, humans are creatures that are meant to evolve. So how do we evolve? Well, I believe that the only way to evolve is by trial and error. That is all life is. Years and years of trial and error and hopefully in the end we will have evolved in to a happy and healthy person that can share all that we have learned with others. Unfortunately, there are those that don't make it that far. I heard a new song on the radio not long ago called "How Do You Get That Lonely" by Blaine Larsen. It is basically a story about an 18 year old boy who kills himself and the singer is trying to figure out how someone could be lonely enough that they would rather have no life than live the life they have. This song touches my soul. I have never lost anyone that I knew to suicide but I went to a funeral with a friend of mine to support her when another friend of hers shot himself. I know several people that have had to deal with this and I'm sure they have all thought those same things.
"How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know"
This is something that even when I am in a slump and feeling very down, I would never consider I always think of all of those people that I know that have had someone commit suicide and all the horrible things that they had to endure. I would never want my loved ones to go through that and I would never ever leave my kids behind like that. We have to go through all of these trials of life in order to evolve and become better. I think in the end we are all headed for the same goal of becoming better as people. Some people will never learn the lessons of life and others learn from their mistakes and keep moving forward. I hope to be one of those that learns and moves forward. I feel like I am just sitting, letting my life run me rather than me running my life. This is something I must change. I can no longer sit back and idly watch my life move forward, that is not getting me to the place I want to be and I will never find happiness unless I do something about it. I will give J the chance to take care of his debt without the legal ramifications but if he chooses not to take it then I will no longer feel bad about it. He made the decision to use the money without talking to me about it and I have done all that I can without putting my family in further jeopardy.
Now, on to bigger and better things. As I think many of you know I will be starting school at ISU in the fall and working toward my Doctorate of Pharmacy. Now, this is going to be very difficult starting out for me. First of all, I have a hard time being on time and keeping a regular routine for anything. This is something I will have to master in the next couple of months since I plan to work full time, go to school full time and still be a full time parent. Full time, full time, full time. I don't know how it is all going to work out right now but I have to start getting myself into a regular routine now so that I can be more prepared. I have always been a good student and have been fortunate enough that learning comes pretty easily for me. I am scared, however, I have never really had to study before, ever. It has all come to me so easily, I know this will not be the case with college and especially not in this field, which will be very demanding and challenging. I am scared but very excited at the same time. It will be a good change for me and good to get my mind working more on things of this nature. I can't wait. What a challenge though. If anyone has any words of advice make sure to drop a note.
"How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know"
This is something that even when I am in a slump and feeling very down, I would never consider I always think of all of those people that I know that have had someone commit suicide and all the horrible things that they had to endure. I would never want my loved ones to go through that and I would never ever leave my kids behind like that. We have to go through all of these trials of life in order to evolve and become better. I think in the end we are all headed for the same goal of becoming better as people. Some people will never learn the lessons of life and others learn from their mistakes and keep moving forward. I hope to be one of those that learns and moves forward. I feel like I am just sitting, letting my life run me rather than me running my life. This is something I must change. I can no longer sit back and idly watch my life move forward, that is not getting me to the place I want to be and I will never find happiness unless I do something about it. I will give J the chance to take care of his debt without the legal ramifications but if he chooses not to take it then I will no longer feel bad about it. He made the decision to use the money without talking to me about it and I have done all that I can without putting my family in further jeopardy.
Now, on to bigger and better things. As I think many of you know I will be starting school at ISU in the fall and working toward my Doctorate of Pharmacy. Now, this is going to be very difficult starting out for me. First of all, I have a hard time being on time and keeping a regular routine for anything. This is something I will have to master in the next couple of months since I plan to work full time, go to school full time and still be a full time parent. Full time, full time, full time. I don't know how it is all going to work out right now but I have to start getting myself into a regular routine now so that I can be more prepared. I have always been a good student and have been fortunate enough that learning comes pretty easily for me. I am scared, however, I have never really had to study before, ever. It has all come to me so easily, I know this will not be the case with college and especially not in this field, which will be very demanding and challenging. I am scared but very excited at the same time. It will be a good change for me and good to get my mind working more on things of this nature. I can't wait. What a challenge though. If anyone has any words of advice make sure to drop a note.
posted by bccw123 at
7:51 PM
1 Comments:
You know the Jizr is ALWAYS good for some advice. Here it is. Pursue your dreams, and one day, your dreams will pursue you. I like to explain that like this, if you follow your heart and go for your dreams, eventually your dreams will jump you like a homeboy on a white boy. That's just the way it is. You chase something until it catches you. You never can really catch your dreams, they catch you, when the timing is right, and you are deserving. But you have to show that you want it. Chase that dream like you will die without it.
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