Feelings just get in the way

I thought I was over it. I was doing so great, I was completely fine with the fact that I was done with J and now all I had to deal with was getting payments from him to pay off what he owes me. Then I got a phone call last night just before I left work. It was J, I figured I'd be hearing some smartass comment from him, "like what did you want the other day when you called?" But no instead he wants to know if I'm doing anything after work and if he can come and see me. I asked him why he wanted to see me and he said because he missed me and missed being around me. Now, I don't really know what I think again! One stupid phone call and everything is turned all upside down again. I don't know if it's me having true feelings for him or if it just because I'm lonely. I do know that my primary objective is still to get my money back from him. I want to love him but wanting love and loving are 2 completely different things. I don't know that wanting love can ever be enough to make you love someone. You can't make someone love you so how can you make yourself love someone. I don't think it's possible. Before I thought I might be able to get over the money thing and still be able to love him but I'm just not sure that's possible now. I think I've decided that this is a matter that needs a little time to sort through. Like the Jizr said on his blog the other day. Everyone has facades that they build to go through life and when you love someone you have to break down all of those facades and love all of them. That I think is where I am at now, I need to break down his facades so I can see what is really underneath.