The "L" word

I said the "L" word! OMG! I can't believe it but I did. I couldn't help myself I had actually been trying really hard not to say it for about a day or so but I just couldn't hold it back anymore. I really do love him. This is one I truly believe could be forever. I still feel like I'm in a dream world. Everything else in my life is falling apart around me but there he is holding me up. He is my rock. I want to quit my job so bad right now I could just scream. But there is no way I will be able to find another job that will pay me as much as I am getting even with my pay cut. I went through my budget today and I can pretty much pay for my bills and have gas for my car and that's it. I have no money for groceries or anything else. I don't know what I am going to do. I called the credit card company today because I got a letter saying they needed additional information from me. Pretty much I am screwed. They can't do anything for me. They said that because I let him use the card the one time, he becomes an authorized user on my account. WTF! All I have is the contract he signed which is $1000 short of what he really owes me. I'm almost out of money in my savings account too. I tried to call him to find out when I would be receiving a payment and both of his phones are disconnected. I am so totally screwed now it's not even funny. I don't know what I'm going to do now. There is no way I can pay for that credit card bill. I haven't told my parents yet and I am so scared to. I don't know if they will help me now. They have helped me so much in the past and I don't want to ask them for anymore help. I was hoping that when school starts I'll be ok but with this credit card bill that I have now I don't know how I'm going to do it. I can't make it with school and a part time job and still be able to pay for everything. I think I will have to work full time in order to cover it. I am so lost now. Anyway, off to pick up Brian.