I miss it

I miss my friends. I miss having a life. It just seems that since we moved I have had neither. I left my best friends in IF and when I go visit there is just never enough time. I dread every trip we make now. I hate going. I have to fight over who to spend time with when and doing what. We really don't have the money or the time to do some of the things I would like to do. I miss my mom and the weekend shopping trips and having dinner every Sunday at their house. I miss talking to her on a regular basis. I miss Laurellee and going over to her house for dinner or her and the kids coming to mine and just hanging out laughing and talking and having fun. I have friends here but not close friends, no one I really want to go hang out with all of the time and spend lots of time with. I do appreciate them but I really only see them and talk to them at work and they are all much older than I am. My sister is here but I just can't talk to her like I can my mom and my close friends. She is too judgemental. I really have no support system here and I don't know how to deal with it. I think of all my friends and family I miss Brian the most. I miss spending hours on the phone talking and laughing and goofing around and the practical jokes and oh my god how he used to make me laugh. I find myself laughing less and less. He always used to be able to make me laugh. Even when I didn't want to laugh. He had a way of making me feel special for no apparent reason and always treated me with respect and made me feel like I could do anything. I want that back. You know we moved here for more opportunities and better school options and jobs. We have that but at least for me personally I think I had a much richer life there. I had so much less in physical things but I had good friends and family close by. I think those things are so much better and more important. Am am at a loss though, because the schools here are much better and the kids deserve more than what can be offered to them in IF. I cannot take that away from them for my own selfishness. I have contemplated this many times recently. It's just not an option. I do think that we need to find a cheaper place to live here. It won't be nearly as nice and probably won't have a yard and will be small but that would lessen the financial burden we have now and maybe the kids could do some other activities like dance and sports. I just want them to have a good and fullfilling life and be able to grow and be sucessful.