Thoughts

Things are weird for me right now, I am with the man of my dreams and we have lived this total fairy tale love story up until the last several months. Sometimes I have to wonder if he still thinks I am the woman of his dreams, make no mistake I know he loves me. I never imagined the kind of love we have had. Our love has changed and evolved as I knew it would, for me it's grown stronger and even though we have our tough times, and those seem to be most of the time right now, I feel like my love for him grows stronger every day. What I thought could never happen is that every time he gets upset with me over something I feel like he questions his love for me. In the beginning it was me, I was the one questioning how much I loved him and was it enough, he always reassured me that I did and it was. Now it seems the rolls have been reversed. I know that when I felt that way it was because I had been scorned once before and I was so scared of it happening again, I finally realized that I was pushing him away because of my being scared, I was so scared that I didn't want to get any closer so I wouldn't have to get hurt. Now I am afraid I may have realized that too late. I am trying hard to stay strong and continue to believe that in the end he will again believe that we are meant to be together. Today has been a good day. We seem to have back what we had before, the interaction, the touching, oh that simple touch. I have truly missed that. Those simple touches have always been such a reassurance for me. I have never before felt the way I feel when he brushes his hand across mine or puts his arms around me while I'm cooking or runs his fingers through my hair. I feel so in love, I feel so loved. My biggest wish is to know that he has no more doubts about us being together, that he knows how much I love him and that we will be married and grow full heads of gray hair together as we have talked about so many times.
To my love:I hope that someday soon you will again lean on me when times are hard and you are stressed, I hope that I will not cause you additional stress or pain. I hope to have more nights like we used to have when we stayed up until 4 in the morning talking until one of us fell asleep or had to go to sleep so they could get up at 6 and drive to take a flight and come home from a long trip. I hope that in the future we will have more good days than bad and most of all I hope that you will forever love me and that you know that no matter what happens I will forever love you.