Fuck off!

Gawd, you can be such a pompous ass sometimes!!!! Don't fucking tell me not to talk to you or use that tone with you....I am not a child and I will not be treated like one. If I'm pissed off I'll use whatever tone I want with you!!! FUCK OFF!!!! I swear to god you never listen to anything I say to you anyway...just like last night when we talked about staying at my mom & dad's this weekend and then this morning you act like you've never heard anything about it. WTF?!?! I don't want to be treated like I'm in high school and I have a curfew...I had something I was doing, you knew where the hell I was and yes I wanted to get the kids home on time for bed but sometimes 7:00 just isn't going to work out. I have shit that is important to me to get done before Christmas and have spent very little time doing it because I want to spend time with you and you refuse to come with me and even if you did you'd probably be bitching the entire damn time you're there. Just like when you came to the dog show....I told you that I didn't want to hear it, I told you what it was like when I'm showing, I like to be able to spend time with my friends and family and that is how we do it especially when most of the time that I will be able to see my parents now will be at things like that. That was definitely one nice thing about being single, I only had me and my kids to worry about. Fuck that makes me so damn mad, I love you and I don't want to ever say I liked being single for any reason. I don't understand why you can't just leave it alone...I'll be home when I'm done if I'd stayed to do as much as I had wanted it would probably have been 9:00 before I came home. I tried to plan so that I would have enough time but sometimes things just don't go as planned, I hate being rushed on everything. Not everything has to be on a perfect schedule. I can't say I have ever been or will ever be good at keeping a schedule but I am trying damnit!

Do a little dance...make a little love....get down tonight!

I gotta job, I gotta job, I gotta job, hey, hey, hey, hey! So, if you couldn't tell already I am very excited! I finally got a new job today. Working in accounts payable at Albertson's Sundries. I'm excited, better pay, way, way better hours and hopefully at some point benefits too. It's temp to hire but I can live with that. 8-5 Mon-Fri is enough for me right now.

Nothing new on grandpa. Brian's brother told us he's moving back to Idaho Falls somewhere around Christmas-ish. This kind of sucks, it's fun to have him around and well, I have to face it, I like the fact that he helps out with rent. It is going to be very difficult to get back on our feet without him here but I'm sure we'll manage somehow. So we are now looking for a new place to live. One, need to find something a little cheaper; Two, we can't stand our landlord's. All kinds of hidden charges and stupid shit and oh yeah, every time we call them because something is broken it takes 8 years for them to come fix it. Oh and now they won't even return Brian's calls for anything. It is really stupid. So, yeah, anyway. Things are looking up I hope. I have to figure out what I'm going to do for insurance while I'm temp to hire because the insurance offered by the temp company is outrageously expensive. I don't know yet how long the temp to hire period is, I'm hoping not more than 90 days but Albertson's has a hiring freeze on and has for quite a while, however, I know that they have taken on new employees even through the freeze so I'm hoping this will be the case.

Update on Grandpa

Well he made it through the surgery, now he just has to make it through recovery. As long as there aren't any real complications he should be ok. Apparently the doctors said his heart is working normally now but he still has fluid in his lungs so they can't take him off the respirator yet. As soon as that clears up he should be mostly in the clear. Still trying to figure out a way to get the kids home to see him. If we can come up with the money we can do it. Brian won't have work now because the office won't be open so at least he'll be free to go, we'll see for me, just depends on the job I get.

Things seem to be looking better on the job front, I am hoping for a medical billing position that is open in Nampa, pays $11/hr so that would be nice and will have good benefits after the 90 day temp to hire. That would be really awesome.

So my ex's Grandpa is in the hospital tonight getting ready to have a triple bypass tomorrow morning, his 2nd heart surgery. My kids are so attached to him, especially Cheyenne, he has been pretty much her whole world since she was born, they babysat her for the entire first 2 years of her life and he adores her. He has been sick for a few months and finally went to the doctor and was told 3 of his heart valves weren't working. He didn't sound very good when we talked to him on the phone last night but did sound better tonight, hopefully that is a good sign. This is not something I expected that I would have to deal with just yet. How do you try to prepare your children for something like this, it's like trying to prepare them for your own death. His chances of a full recovery are very good, but there is always that chance. I was hoping that my sister would be able to let the kids ride with them to Idaho Falls for Thanksgiving since Brian won't be able to get time off and who knows what will be going on for me but either way we can't really afford to go home right now. Jen says she can't take them this time because they won't have room because they'll be going shoping while they are there and will be bringing a lot of stuff home. The kids have been looking forward to seeing G-pa very soon and G-pa is so anxious to see them, he misses them so much and sometimes I feel like it's partly my fault that he is having these problems now, since I'm the one that moved them so far away. The kids have been what he has lived for since they were born, he loves them with all of his heart and I have no doubt that if they hadn't been around that he would have been in this place long ago. I love watching the kids with him, he is always running around outside with them and riding bikes with them and putting together puzzles with them and tinkering, I see so much of my own grandpa in him. Cheyenne loves to get on his computer (old as dirt PC with ancient games) and she plays crosswords and makes pictures and all kinds of things with him. They have so much fun and as much as they get spoiled I think it has been so good for all of them. Everytime I asked if they could watch the kids they were more than happy to do it, even when G-ma said she didn't really feel like it, G-pa always said he would regaurdless of what G-ma wanted. :) I have to find a way to get the kids there to see him for Thanksgiving.

I did it.

I wrote back to Jamaal today. I was very short and all typed, I don't feel he deserves a hand written letter. I basically just told him that there will never ever be a chance in hell for him to be with me again and that I don't believe a word he has told me about anything. I really am very glad he is in jail. At least I know where he is if and when I decide I am going to pursue charges against him. I really just want to put everything behind me though and move on with my life. Letting him in to my life is probably the only thing I truly regret in my life. I think the only thing that would probably be different right now if that hadn't happened if my financial status. I hope that we are able to recover from this quickly and move on with the better things in life and what I am enjoying so much right now. Being totally and completely in love and having such a wonderful group of family and friends.