Confused

I am so confused.....I feel lost and afraid. I'm afraid of the things I might say, I'm afraid of the things I've thought, I'm afraid to talk to you, I'm afraid to look at you.....I'm afraid of losing you. It was so magical and amazing in the beginning and sometimes still is but slowly I feel myself losing you. I feel like everything is going so well one minute and maybe we've fixed some things and then it all changes again and I feel like you're not even there any more. Some times I feel like you just don't care, at least that's how it comes across to me. When I'm upset about something I think it's usually pretty obvious that I'm upset and I'm thinking about things but like today when we talked you said you were frustrated too but then you act as if nothings wrong and everything should be just like normal. But for me it's not. I can't just go back to everything being the same if nothing got solved, we never came to a conclusion or a solution or even a we'll come back to this tomorrow or at 7 tonight, the conversation ended when we stopped at the house and it seems like you just moved on like nothing ever happened. How can I feel secure when I'm not even sure your thinking about it? Every time I think about this issue or any of the stupid things we've argued about lately I just want to go to bed so I can stop thinking about it and being mad about it, it's exhausting for me. Every time we talk about this you tell me you can't talk about it because you don't have a solution but it seems like it's been forever, it's really been more like 2 or 3 months but I just don't see that anything is happening and waiting this long for you to be able to talk about it is just too long for me. I have been trying so hard to give you space and time to think about things as you need to but at least right now I can't give you 2 or 3 months, I'm having a hard enough time giving you 1 or 2 days. It never ends for me until I can talk about it and at least know that something is going to come of it. I can't get it out of my head, whatever the issue is. The book talks about me letting you go in to your cave and trusting that you will be back but I think right now the problem is I don't know that you are there. You have to give me something to hold on to while your gone. I feel like there are things you want from me too but I can't ever seem to find out what because we get stuck every time we try to talk about that kind of thing. I don't feel like you cherish me the way you used to.